Why do people appear to be someone they are not, why don't they keep it real! why do they confuse others, and the day they show their true colors I am left with the a 'whatfuck' face!
I gave... I gave it everything I had, I did like the book told me, and I lost... I lost soooo much in process, I lost what I believed in... But everything seem sooo real at the time.... so much passion n feelings..... I always said "good things always come to an end" but no I was wrong and confused.... good things don't come to an end.... if they end they weren't good.... they are disguised as good, but they are evil! super evil and full of negativity!
I am a strong one.... I don't think I had ever falling so low and for soooo long... and it is scary to think I am all alone in this one. I brought it upon myself, and as the woman I am I will get back up... I learned from everything, I don't take any of it back, but I do learn from experiences... I am scared of opening up in the future again.... Only time will tell...
I had it all planed out, everything calculated, Plans? what fucking plans? God laughs at people who make plans...
Am I sad? No... more like mad at myself, because only I have control as to how much people hurt me.... Did I react in a good way? Who knows I did in under impulse, without a thought.... for the first time I did things under impulse "i let myself go" DON'T DO THAT GUYS!!! think it through... you might get hurt...
But over all what was the lesson learned? There are MONSTERS out there dressed as humans ready to attack, ready to suck the life out of people without thinking twice with out a remorse.... Oh I guess we all have to do whatever it takes to make ourselves happy.... I can't believed he picked me.... why me? why out everyone, why would he want to hurt me!!!!
Oh.... where did the time go? When did I grow up?
Yesterday was a rough day, I fought, I felt, I cried, I understood the reality of some people, people who I thought I knew... and at the end all I could do was txt Roger and ask him to make me feel better.... n like always, he knows what to tell me to make me value myself again
And like a child I run to my mom for a hug.... "Aprietame muy fuerte mami" she tells me "me preocupas cuando me pides tus habrasos fuertes" "No me preguntes solo aprietame" and she did (I'm sorry mom, I don't know what I would do if I had me as a daughter...so different, so random, so unpredictable! I'm sorry!)
When did I grow up!!?!???!
When did I grow up to be this person I am now...I need to get away from my own self.... how is that possible?
How long before I feel 'me' again... happy and joyful me! crazy me! loca, si! pero nunca me dejare ser infeliz como otros!
one or two day.... then I live my life again!
"....In the dark of the night i can hear you calling my name
With the hardest of hearts i still feel full of pain
So i drink and i smoke and i ask you if your ever around
Even though it was me who drove us right in the ground
See the time we shared it was precious to me
But all the while i was dreaming of revelry
....so the time we shared it was PRECIOUS to ME
All the while i was dreaming of revelry
Dreaming of revelry
And i told myself for the way you go, it rained so hard it felt like snow
Everything came tumbling down on me
In the back of the woods in the dark of the night
Palest of the old moonlight
Everything just felt so INCOMPLETE!
Dreaming of revelry, Dreaming of revelry! "
Music sure helps heal the soul....
Something tells me tomorrow will be a better day.... I feel it, the energies are changing....the winds are blowing in my favor!
..........
Life is crazzzzyyy. I just wish someone would have told me before I was thrown out there. People might appear to be someone or something else because they are too scared to be themselves. Afraid of others or society, they hide behind what they think it's acceptable. It takes courage to be yourself.
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